Hey all. It's Candace posting under Dennis' alias because I'm on his computer and he hates it when I "mess" with his logins. God forbid he has to take two seconds to type in his password. It's almost midnight and I'm wide a friggin' awake. Today is Turnaround Tuesday, the switch has been flipped thankfully, and I had a good, busy day. Nonetheless, this is what I get for endlessly sleeping the past 72+ hours. Ironic that I can sleep hours on end and not feel the least bit rested one day, and the next day I actually should feel tired but instead I'm killing time blogging until I can convince my restless mind and body that we really should get some sleep. This is a pattern actually. It happens when I'm on the rebound from chemo. My back and neck aches, I can't find a comfortable sleeping position, so I toss and turn, and my mind is racing. When I do finally fall asleep, it's also when I have my most vivid dreams, often nightmares. I have dreamt I was in a flood and once that I chopped off children's legs at the knees because I thought they looked better shorter. When I realized what a horrible person I was to do this, I too had stubs for legs. Typical nightmare, I wake up in a panic, then relief that none of it is real. Chemo drugs are some mighty powerful poisons.
My onc has ordered a pulmonary function test for this Friday. This should have been done in the beginning, but she doesn't do it unless the patient has breathing difficulty, which I don't. We (Dennis and I) were a bit relentless though at the last visit, claiming permanent lung damage would ruin my life because I'm an athlete and activity is so important to me, etc. In fact, I want to drop the Bleomycin if my midway PET scan comes back clear. The Bleo is the drug that can (rarely) cause permanent lung damage. "Rarely" is not good enough odds for me when it comes to ensuring an active lifestyle for the rest of my life. There are plenty of cases where cancer patients developed breathing problems, the Bleo was dropped, and they still went into remission. What I don't know, but there must be a statistic on this, is how many of those cases stayed in remission or had recurrences? Dr. Chase should be researching this for us.
Alrighty, I think I'll call it a night (again) and see if I can fall asleep. Sweet dreams for you and me. - Candace
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Candace Kuchinski
Dennis and I wanted to share a little about the amazing person battling this scary disease:
Candace lives in South Thomaston, ME with Dennis and their black lab Sadie. We moved around a lot, so she experienced life in various parts of northern and southern California as well as Rhode Island before the family finally settled in Maine.
Candace attended the University of New Hampshire where she majored in Zoology. An elective class in photography her Senior year revealed her true passion, so Candace continued her photographic studies in Maine.
Along with photography, she is an avid snow boarder and sailor and has a deep love of all things canine. So much so, that she started her own dog walking, pet sitting business in 2005.
Candace has always had a great attitude and exuberance for living. She loves the outdoors and being with friends and family. She also loves a good laugh and is not afraid to be a goofball.
As a sister, she has been such a support throughout the years and the many moves. We never fought growing up and always looked out for each other. I feel so privileged to have such a wonderful person in my life – and you should, too!
Dennis has told me that my sister is “the most beautiful woman in the world” and he always asks me if I know how much he loves my sister. To see them together is a real treat because you can see the absolute joy they get from each other. I am glad sis has such a strong and loving person in her life.
Candace lives in South Thomaston, ME with Dennis and their black lab Sadie. We moved around a lot, so she experienced life in various parts of northern and southern California as well as Rhode Island before the family finally settled in Maine.
Candace attended the University of New Hampshire where she majored in Zoology. An elective class in photography her Senior year revealed her true passion, so Candace continued her photographic studies in Maine.
Along with photography, she is an avid snow boarder and sailor and has a deep love of all things canine. So much so, that she started her own dog walking, pet sitting business in 2005.
Candace has always had a great attitude and exuberance for living. She loves the outdoors and being with friends and family. She also loves a good laugh and is not afraid to be a goofball.
As a sister, she has been such a support throughout the years and the many moves. We never fought growing up and always looked out for each other. I feel so privileged to have such a wonderful person in my life – and you should, too!
Dennis has told me that my sister is “the most beautiful woman in the world” and he always asks me if I know how much he loves my sister. To see them together is a real treat because you can see the absolute joy they get from each other. I am glad sis has such a strong and loving person in her life.
3 comments:
Sis! Sorry to hear you can't sleep and yikes about the nightmares! I have been having some pretty freaky dreams myself, often involving plane crashes and the like. What a fun bunch we are!
I am also glad to hear you put your foot down with Dr. Chase. Take charge of this and monitor yourself closely! She may grumble, but it's the best thing for you!
Lots of love, sis! I must call you soon to discuss holiday gift giving.
Candace - I had the same trouble sleeping that you're having now. I would also wake up soaked in sweat - mostly because of menopause, and a lil bit of steroid insanity... but I found that cheap, generic, tylenol pm worked wonders to get me to bed! I actually bought ambien, which was really expensive, and it wouldn't keep me asleep, soo I did a combo of either Ativan (usually during the day to get some naps) and then tylenol PM for night time. Give it a whirl if you're still having trouble sleeping.
BTW - how far from Boston are you and Dennis? Maybe we could meet one day... I'm up for random drives on the weekend :)
Hope you're well, and sleeping!
XO
Have a great time snowboarding this weekend. Enjoy your time feeling good!
Sara
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