Hodge Anniversary

I did think of it on the day, September 12, my Mom's birthday, but just briefly. A year ago September 12 I got the news from the surgeon that my biopsy showed Reed-Sternberg cells indicative of Hodgkin's. It doesn't seem possible that a whole year's gone by. A day like that stays in your memories with so much detail you could swear it was just yesterday. Yet, other times I think about what we all went through last winter and that DOES seem like ages ago. In fact, I ask myself if that all really happened to me.

I think it's good to remember my treatments, surgeries, side effects, support from friends and family, my attitude, all the emotions. I have to say I must have been at my best then which is a good thing to remember. It certainly is empowering to have conquered cancer and I should use it as a tool more often. I don't talk about it enough. Is it because it can still get me? I'm in remission and I feel strong and healthier as a person now, but ... We don't like to think about it. I tend to downplay the whole ordeal because so many people have and had it worse, but it WAS a big deal.

The other day I was checking out at the grocery and the cashier noticed that my hair was growing back in nicely. People that don't know I had cancer will say "cute haircut". She specifically said growing back. I didn't remember her, but apparently she remembered me from this winter. I was caught off guard a bit that a stranger knew I had cancer. She knew something private about me. Then, I let that be alright (I was practically bald. I'm sure more strangers know than I think). It felt good to be connected to this stranger. I wanted to talk her more. Perhaps she was also a cancer survivor. But there was a line. That was a very nice thing she did for me. For a moment I felt vulnerable and exposed and then I was okay with it and we connected.

Life lesson #whatever: Embrace being vulnerable and exposed and you open yourself up to making connections and feeling exactly the opposite which is safe.